'UNTITLED' cont.

I glanced around for my alarm clock, which seemed out of place. My mom Elaine and I had been in our new house for almost a month, and I still wasn’t certain where I was when I woke up in the mornings. The neon numbers on my clock told me it was seven in the morning. I was going to be late for my first day of school. Great.
I stumbled into the shower, fumbling with the knobs to get the temperature right. The warm spay woke me up instantly, and it massaged my stiff muscles. I hadn’t been sleeping well for the longest time. I couldn’t recall how many times I had tossed and turned during the night. It had become another natural part of my life, like the way I would fall into a monotonous routine when school got into full swing.

yeah, that's the second and third paragraphs. i've around 8 pages in all, along with two pages of plot and scene ideas, and a shorthand of a big conversation that happens later in the story....
i feel like it's coming along nicely, but who knows?

'UNTITLED'

I forced my eyes open. I wasn’t surprised that they were cloudy; I hadn’t thought to take my contacts out the night before. I rubbed my eyes, willing them to clear and focus. I winced at the light when they finally focused on the room around me. I knew by the sun’s position in the sky that I had probably slept through my alarm again. I’d been trying to get myself used to waking up early again, but it just hadn’t worked out like I had planned.

to be honest, it doesnt sound like much, but it's the beginning of character development and potentially even the opening paragraph for my book. not sure yet, but i really like the direction the characters are taking and i really have an idea for the plot which i really like so far, but it definitely needs work.
i hope to definitely see the hardback copies of this story being used as doorstops all over the country. :D

The More Recent Old Works [Dated & Repost From MySpace]

10-22-08

a pleading call

please dont go

a breaking dawn

again alone

and if you knew

the words were true

would you stop

love renewed

--------------------------------------

a passing crowd

the slightest glance

just one look

i have no chance

i gave my all

love unbound

at once the fall

we tumble down
---------------------------------------

could you watch me leave

though i may never come back?

could you speak the words

just let it all go?

could you keep silent

and still let me know?

could you swear eternity

though it's a lie?

could you spend forever

here by my side?

10-8-08

this line was a sort of sign off quote for a blog about love...

"just give me the chance, the time to prove, i'll give it all, my all for you"

9-29-08

ive realized

in times of need

you're always there

beside me

my heart once broken

now on the mend

i'm turning to you

once again

i'm always asking

i need a friend

you mean everything

the world to me

i'm asking you to wait

now please dont leave

i'm letting life work

its mysterious ways

and if it happens

we'll have our day...

i dont know

how things will end

but i do know

i'll love you til then

9-17-08

there's a letter in this notebook

a letter full of lies

a promise that you'll wait for me

that you'll stay by my side

and though it seems your words

almost always make me cry

i wont shed a single tear
i'm waking up from this dream

and moving on to better things

ill get away from your memory

i'm falling for him,

dont you know

so please why dont you

let me go?

9-16-08

push away the feeling

swear that nothing's wrong

how can you still be here?

i could tell that you were gone

the last time

that you looked at me

i've cried a thousand tears

because we will never be

i've begged and pleaded

and i just wanna move on

see, i could tell in your eyes

you were already gone
----------------------------------------
it's four hours,

just to see your face

plus all the pit stops

the phone calls on the way

now i dont wanna call your name

in my dreams tonight

and when you said that i was wrong

baby you were right

i'm writing you and asking for

a midnight call and change

i'm waiting for

so much more

than a confession in the rain

i lived for you and now my heart

when you took it, it broke in two

and now i see

for you and me

moving on is what i need to do
--------------------------------------------------
i swore to you my heart

i gave you everything

to tear apart

no i'm not missing you a single bit

and as for him

yeah, we fit

he smiles at me

lights up my day

in his free time

he calls anyway

no begging here

only happiness

and i'm smiling now

i hope this lasts

he was there for me

when i needed you

so moving on

is what i'll do
-----------------------------------------

kiss in the rain

baby shelter me

dont wanna feel the pain

he doesnt have a hold on me

and i want to love you

dont you see?

i'm wasting hours

another track

as for my love

i dont want it back
---------------------------------------
give it all to you,

thats what ill do

i cant recall

never talked at all

i'll fall for you

thats thats what ill do

i'm happy now

the fighting's through

i'll love you

thats what ill do

and you love me

meant to be?

i think so,

soon we'll know

hearts race

as we embrace

butterflies

no more lies

i'll be happy with you

that's what ill do

9-11-08

i'd say yes in a heartbeat
i'll swear nothings wrong
i'd drive 10000 miles
just to be in your arms

9-5-08

i miss the way your arms feel

wrapped around me while i sleep

and i miss the way your voice sounds

when it's whispering to me

an i love you is all i need

to keep me moving on

but when i'm hopeless

always begging you

i'm pushing you, you're gone

i'm desperately falling

and waiting for your call

and i hope that you will write me

when i'm off at school this fall

you have to know i mean it

i cant be untrue

though deep inside i'm dying

when i say i love you too

that's right, i write.

you adore, i'm living for

im dying, you're lying

this distance, what hindrance

i love you, i miss you

please miss me, please see

i love you, love me

9-4-08

i can feel the end

it's coming back again,

that feeling that

you're gonna change your mind

when you've made it

thru the distance

it's all about the time

is it well spent

or are you wasting

what we have

there's no changing

it's a desperate call

at a midnight hour

its a cry for help

from the tallest tower

i need you now

baby more than ever

just let me hear you love me one last time

i need the words

it took you so long to say

because when it comes to love

its the heart that pays

the pain i feel

from missing you

there's just so much

those words can do

8-29-08

can't you tell the things you do

they shake me to the core

it breaks my heart to see you go

i don't wanna say bye anymore

i'm sick and tired of sleeping alone

the visits don't last very long

i hate coming second to what needs to be done

it's only me who hurts at all

i'm not strong enough to mend a broken heart

so take care of what i've given you

words can only mean so much

but honestly it's all i need

7-09-08

this is our lullaby

sung from me to you

to lay you down to sleep

when counting sheep won't do

silence is golden

but happiness is too

it kills me just to say

i love you too

-----------------------------------------

i cried so many tears

see them running down my cheek

it kills me just to go along

pretend from week to week

happiness is effortless

when love is on the way

but tears are inevitable

when with your heart you pay

6-30-08

in forever we find comfort

an answer set in stone

but honestly can just a word

make the uncertain known?

nothing is forever,

but diamonds they always say..

can two people find true love

the kind lasting til the end of days?

who can believe in a single word

three syllables with so much weight

how can one word mean so much?

is that word all it takes?

it makes someone fall in love,

or forge an instant trust.

its amazing how it makes

a change to love from lust.

Really Old Works [repost from MySpace]

this is from 3-20-06
I hate the way I am without you
An empty broken shell
You say you're feeling no pain
Without me oh well
So tell me why im dying
If I said I wasn't, I lied
Cause im just not myself
Without you by my side

Cant you see
Im nothing without you
Bits of us still remain
In everything I do
I cant sleep
Its killing me
I just want you
To be happy
But the pain im feeling
Makes me wanna die
I lied

I swore to you
we would be forever
that's just how long
you'll have my heart
My whole world
was wrapped around you
Without you
I don't know how to start
I promise im not still trying
To win you back oh well
Life without you isn't grand
It's just the closest I can get to hell


this is from 2-24-06
I hate my insecurity
When I don't know what to say
It seems like its stalking me
I just cant get away
This fight is killing me
Nothing's what it seems to be
Listen while I get this straight…

This won't end in a good way
Time and time I start to fall
And I don't want to get hurt
Id really rather lose this fight
so we can make it work tonight
But promise me
You wont walk away
Walk away

It hurts when you turn from me
And you bottle up inside
I just can't find a way to be
And there's no where to hide
In the darkness of this room
No one's ready to give up…

In the end it's going to be
Only what you want
There is no compromise
Sorry is so hard to find


this is from 11-5-07 (two days before matt and i got together)
Its that funny feeling in your stomach
A laugh when no one says a word
You feel as though you've been running
Your heart is racing to keep up
A never ending roller coaster
It takes all you have not to scream
Your breath stops as if every moment
Maybe it was meant to be

::CHORUS::
Love
It rips you apart and tears you down
When you don't feel
Quite as happy when he's not around
Your heart is aching, your hands are tied
And all you can do is cry
Maybe all this is worth it
Just to feel.
Alive

Its the second wind when you've had no sleep
A cool breeze on a summer day
You wont stop even when it feels
You're barely hanging on
The smallest things make you happy
It takes all you have not to scream
Your breath stops as if every moment
Maybe it was meant to be

::CHORUSx2::

When its all said and done
You'll have no regrets
The way you feel now
It can only get better…

Love
It rips you apart and tears you down
Now you feel
Just as happy that he's not around
Your heart is breaking, your hands are tied
Nothing good will come if you cry
But you know everything was worth it
Just to feel.
Alive


this is from like december 06 i think
Another picture of my empty driveway
Zoom in on my empty heart.
Because I begged to make me wrong about you
But we're still a million miles apart
As much as I love being around you
Is it really worth it to break my heart?

I just sit here crying alone
You proved me right again
I gave you an inch
You took a mile
And now it's the end

Because I've gave up on trying
Zoom in on my lonely arms
I'm trying to make myself wrong
For once I don't want to win
If winning means losing you
I'm willing to give in


this is from january 07
I love the way your hand slips into mine
And how your eyes light up when you smile
Id give it all to see that everyday
For the rest of forever
And id die just to sleep in your arms once
Cause all the ways I sigh are summed up
Summed up in just one word
Love


and this is from august 6 2006 (8-6 is matts birthday, and this is before i talked to him at all.. i was living at my dad's)
if you cant promise forever,
just promise me tonight
wrap your arms around me,
and hold me nice and tight
whisper that you love me,
even though the words aren't true
deep inside im dying when
i say i love you too

[thats my favorite piece i've ever written]

Just So You Know

I'm not emo! The writing here isn't a representation of myself, it's just a pouring of creativity. If it comes off a bit emo, it's because that's how most of my writing is. I'm actually a really happy person 95% of the time! :]

Short Work I

its funny the things

that make you think

you'll pull out your heart

watch it beat

and beg me please

dont leave you alone

but how i deserved you

ill never know

life sucks in the worst ways

but keep your head up

it pays to play even when

you feel your heart break

in the end it's all the same

i'll always hurt

you'll win again

[written @ work]

----^---@

if i had a heart to give

you'd get it hands down

i'd live a thousand times

to meet with you again

in each life just so i'd know

the feel of your lips on mine

and as i sleep i dream of all

the things you'll do and say

and how we'll be together

someday in my head i'll picture you

and i we're dancing with the moon

behind and rain is falling

drenching us

but we don't care we're in love

cause we're in love

and all the times i'd beg to feel

the warmth of you the kiss

i cried when i got butterflies

and you swore to me

you'd never leave

i needed you to drown

the fears i'd felt that ripped

right through the wall i'd built

i'd kept you out

just long enough that

you could knock it down

and stomp my heart

it's broken now but

you know that

you know it all

you're always right and i

always fall the many times

i fell for you

it felt so wrong

i'll pray for you though im not sure

there may not be a god

but if there is he'll work with you

and try and fix it all again

i'd hate to see you crying and

yet it always happens

when im least expecting

you break down and fall to pieces

i can only take so much cause i

don't wanna break i want to fall

needing love that you had given

knowing i had missed it all

just to fill my selfish wish

my wish to see you feel

what you put me through

so many times i'd almost died

[written @ work]

----^---@

Work I

i pour my heart and soul to you

a gravity undone and

through the glass i see an end

a final move to stop the pain

i can't just let things go

but moving on seems

like the path i need to take

the pictures aren't enough

i'm done crying, i need

stability and hope you see

and i'll pull the covers to my chest

lay there like you aren't gone

like you have your arms wrapped

tight around the part of me

i'm just not letting go

letting go

my heart it hurts but i'll

keep smiling like the pain is gone

hope for the worst now that

i'm wrong, you're right again

and hurting for what seems

a thousand years i'll cry

and beg you please dont go

but know i'm only dreaming

when i see your face at night

lately ive been wrapped up tight

and bending til i break

hoping that the hurt i feel

will end this hollow pain..

[written @ work]

----^---@

This Page

In addition to my honesty blog, I'm putting my literature on here. Poems and songs I've written, and sneak peeks of the book I'm writing.
Thanks for your interest.
--Kali